. . . I do not understand how a Christian can make such slow progress as I do and how old faults can hang on so.
If I had made any real progress, should I not be sensible of it?
I have been reading over the early part of this journal, and when I came to the conversation I had with Mrs. Cabot, in which I made a list of wants, I was astonished that I could ever have had such contemptible ones. Let me think what I really and truly most want now.
First of all, then, if God should speak to me at this moment and offer to give just one thing and that alone, I should say without hesitation, Love to Thee, O my Master!
Next to that, if I could have one thing more, I would choose to be a thoroughly unselfish, devoted wife. Down in my secret heart I know there lurks another wish, which I am ashamed of. It is that in some way or other, some right way, I could be delivered from Martha and her father. I shall never be any better while they are here to tempt me! ~ From Stepping Heavenward, (entry on her first wedding anniversary, dated January 16, 1838.)
[We see, though, that actually she had made real progress, based on what she wanted at this point in time. Of course, she was wrong about the last one. I do believe dealing with Martha and Father had a good deal to do with her growth in Christ. ` mr]